


Here's Hoping I Will Not Drown

by siriuspiggyback



Series: Hope There's Someone (Who Will Take Care of Me) [2]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Consent Issues, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Prostitution, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, M/M, No Apocalypse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Relapsing, Sober Klaus Hargreeves, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-12-26 00:45:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18272375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siriuspiggyback/pseuds/siriuspiggyback
Summary: Klaus knew it was irrational, but Dave's sincere kindness was making his skin itch. He had been coping with the sleeplessness, the screaming, the cravings, but these gentle words might break him.Or, Klaus never learnt how to ask for help.





	Here's Hoping I Will Not Drown

**Author's Note:**

> i wasn't planning on a sequel, but the response for Bad Habits was so lovely that i got inspired!

  
  


Klaus was having a bad day.

 

No, that wasn’t quite accurate. Klaus was having a bad few days. He hadn’t been sleeping, nightmares jerking him awake and leaving him shaking and sweating. Any progress he had made with controlling his abilities had disappeared like smoke. He was too tired to focus on anything. The ghosts were taking up too much space in his head, their begging and moaning and screeching merging into an agonising soundtrack, following Klaus through his day, keeping him awake at night. The more tired he was, the less control he had, and the louder they got. It was a vicious cycle, with no end in sight. 

 

Last night, Klaus had woken from a nightmare ( _ cold stone walls, dark corners, his name, whispered, screamed, the rotting faces of the dead as the reached out to him-) _ and panicked, trapped under tangled sheets and a heavy arm. In the white haze of fear, he had shoved Dave away from him so hard that he had fallen out the bed with a heavy thump. Dave wouldn’t let him apologise. He rubbed his back and told him that it would be okay, that he was safe. Klaus wished he would yell, or shove him back, but he never even raised his voice.

 

Dave had been unendingly patient. Too patient. He never complained, even when he ended up with no sleep because he was too busy looking after his boyfriend. Klaus knew it was irrational, but his sincere kindness was making his skin itch. Not that he didn’t love Dave - without him, he definitely wouldn’t still be sober - but even his boyfriend wasn’t immune to his irritable mood.

 

Klaus had spent most of the day with Vanya. He had finally joined her training sessions. At first, just the words  _ training session _ had left Klaus with a pit in his stomach, but Dave had finally convinced him to give it a try. The first time he had managed to banish a spirit, Klaus had been euphoric, his family grinning proudly around him. He had been working with Ben too. Recently, Klaus had been able to keep Ben tangible for almost half an hour. Today, though, had felt like his first session all over again; Klaus hadn’t managed to make Ben visible for even a second. 

 

The whole thing had left Klaus craving a hit, aching for that soothing numbness. He could barely think around the desire. He was overly aware of the curl of his veins under his skin. He wanted to push a needle in, inject his pharmaceutical heaven. He wanted to take one of Diego’s knives and cut them open, let the poison drain out. He wanted to play chicken with a speeding car, wanted to taunt some thug with a knife and a short temper. Anything other than this dull awareness, the heavy sobriety, the exhaustion smothering him. 

 

He trudged his way to the kitchen, where he knew he would find Dave, nursing his afternoon cup of tea. Dave was a man of habit, reliable in a way that Klaus had never been. He knew that when he was struggling, he was meant to go to Dave, or his family, and ask for help. Instead, he hovered in the doorway. Dave’s eyes were closed, hiding those soft blue irises. His expression was peaceful. Klaus wanted to watch a little longer, knowing that when Dave saw him, his face would morph to a look of concern. Unfortunately, it wasn’t long until Dave sensed him, eyes blinking open. After all, they were both veterans, and hypervigilance was a difficult habit to quit. As predicted, his brows drew down, forehead creasing even as he offered Klaus a smile.

 

“Hello,” said Dave, “want a cup of tea?”

 

Klaus shook his head. The thought of waiting for the tea to cool sounded like too much effort. Dave was still looking at him, watchful in that special way of his. Klaus wondered what he was seeing. Bloodshot eyes? Unsteady hands? He didn’t think it was anything good.

 

The air was pressing on his skin, and his tongue was glued to the roof of his mouth. He needed - something. (Drugs. Not drugs. Drugs. Oh god, he wanted them.) He needed-

 

Urgency burned in his palms. He strode forward, straddled Dave, pressed a harsh kiss to his lips. Dave made a startled noise, hands hovering in midair. Klaus fumbled for his fly, curling forward to bite the cord of muscles along Dave’s neck. 

 

“Klaus- wait a second, hon,” gasped Dave, leaning back to put an inch of space between them.

 

“ _ What? _ ” snapped Klaus. He busied himself with standing and yanking his jeans down his thighs.

 

“What’s brought this on? You seem-”

 

“I seem  _ what _ ?” Klaus snarled. Despite the anger in his voice, he didn’t cease his movements, yanking his shirt up and off over his head. 

 

“Upset,” finished Dave, eyes reproachful. 

 

“Oh, for Christ- we can have a good heart to heart later, okay?” 

 

“I think we should talk now,” said Dave, soft but firm. He reached up to lay a tender hand on Klaus’ cheek, but his partner shoved the hand away, jaw clenched tightly. 

 

“Later. Just-” Klaus levered himself onto the kitchen table, yanking Dave after him, pulling him between his thighs, “fuck me first. Please.”

 

Dave shook his head, lips pressing into a line. “That’s not a good idea.”

 

“Why?” asked Klaus, fingernails digging crescents into his palms. “Pray tell.”

 

“I don’t think you’re in a position to make healthy decisions right now,” said Dave, pulling away.

 

Klaus snorted meanly. “You sound like a self help book. Please, just, please fuck me. I want you to fuck me, please.”

 

“Klaus-”

 

“Stop acting like I’m this- this precious thing, like you’re going to break me! Do you know how many people I’ve slept with? Hell, I lost count by time I was seventeen!” yelled Klaus, voice pitching up, giggling a little, a hysterical sound.

 

“That’s not a reason to treat you badly,” whispered Dave, voice choked, and- aw, God damn it, Klaus had upset him. 

 

“No, I know,” Klaus backtracked, “I didn’t mean it like that.”

 

“You  _ are  _ precious. You’re so important, Klaus,” he said, tilting forward so that his head pressed against his lovers. Klaus looked away, overwhelmed and ashamed.

 

“I never said I wasn’t,” said Klaus, even though he knew that neither of them were fooled. 

 

“You don’t treat yourself like it,” countered Dave, ever the voice of reason.

 

“Oh, so now I can’t have sex with my boyfriend without it being unhealthy?” Klaus fired back, frustrated, even as he pulled his jeans back up his hips.

 

“That’s not what I said,” Dave replied with forced calm.

 

“Stop acting like I don’t know what I want. First I can’t have sex just to make you happy, now I can’t have sex when I want to? Do you just not want to fuck me, or-”

 

“No! That isn’t it,” cried Dave. “I just… The way you’re acting right now… I don’t think you really want this.”

 

“You don’t get to tell me what I want!” Klaus retorted, arms crossing over his bare chest. He felt like a live bomb. The tension of the last few days had built up, and now Dave was stepping on the mine, a second away from his legs being blown out from underneath him.

 

“Maybe I don’t want to sleep with you when you’re like this,” said Dave, “have you considered that?”

 

Klaus jerked away like he had been slapped. He felt a hollow sort of vindication.  _ See _ , it said,  _ you were right. He doesn’t want you. _

 

“Right,” said Klaus shortly. He reached down and grabbed his shirt from where he had flung it, pulling it over his head with methodical precision. 

 

“Can we sit down and talk?” asked Dave, desperation seeping into his voice.

 

“If you’re not going to help me feel better,” said Klaus, “I’ll find someone who will.”

 

With that, he stormed out of the kitchen, his power reaching out and slamming the door shut behind him.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Panic was seeping into Dave’s bones. He counted his breaths, like he used to back in ‘Nam, when he couldn’t hear himself think over the sounds of bullets flying. Klaus needed him right now. 

 

The door wasn’t opening. Whatever Klaus had done, the blue glow of his powers shutting the door behind him, it hadn’t faded. Dave was stuck in this God damn kitchen, whilst Klaus was out there somewhere, about to relapse or hurt himself or-

 

Breathe. In. Out. Again.

 

Dave rammed his shoulder against the door, but it barely rattled.

 

“Hey! Five! Diego! Anyone?” yelled Dave, “Can anyone hear me?” He rattled at the handle, even knowing it was a hopeless endeavour. Still, he wouldn’t give up. He would shout until he lost his voice, if he had to.

 

It was twenty minutes later that someone finally answered his pleas.

 

“Dave? Is that you?” called out a soft voice; Vanya, he thought.

 

“Hey! I’m stuck in the kitchen, Klaus- well, I don’t know what he did, but the door won’t open. Can you, y’know, use your powers?”

 

“Uh, sure, give me a second,” said Vanya. Dave took a cautious step back. Vanya had been working hard to gain control, but he had heard of how strong her powers were.

 

Dave felt and then heard the door shudder, hard enough to rattle Dave’s bones, his teeth chattering together. It should have been enough force to open any door, and yet this one held shut, glowing faintly blue.

 

“Sorry,” said Vanya, “It isn’t working.”

 

“It’s okay. Could you get Five?” replied Dave, hoping that he would be able to teleport him out.

 

“On it!” she called.

 

Dave paced. Every second he waited, Klaus was out there, spiralling. He should have talked to Klaus before it got this far. He had watched quietly as Klaus got a little more on edge each day, eyes darting around to look at things that Dave couldn’t see. He had been hoping that Klaus would come to him for help, but maybe that was naive of him. Dave knew how long Klaus had been alone for, depending on no one except for the ghost of his brother, pushing his problems down with sex and drugs, uncaring that it was destroying him. 

 

Five appeared in a flash of light. Dave startled, reflexively ducking down and covering his head, a remnant from his time in Vietnam.

 

“Sorry, just me,” said Five, in that straightforward way of his. He grabbed Dave’s elbow, and then they were in the huge room with the bar that Klaus avoided like the plague. 

 

Dave blinked, disorientated, before facing Five. “I need your help. Klaus is gone; I think he’s looking for a dealer. Can you look for-”

 

“Shit,” swore Five, and then he was gone again. 

  
  
  
  
  


Klaus was laughing. 

 

He was sitting against the wall of an alleyway, of which he used to be very familiar with. He hadn’t been here in a while. Home sweet home.

 

“This isn’t funny.”

 

“It’s kind of funny,” countered Klaus between giggles.

 

Ben frowned. “You almost fucked up monumentally. Stop laughing,” he said.

 

“Well, you know what they say, you’ve gotta laugh, or you’d cry. And my eyeliner looks too good for tears,” quipped Klaus.

 

Ben huffed a sigh and lowered himself down to sit beside his brother. “You need to go back.”

 

“Yeah,” agreed Klaus, an absent expression on his face.

 

“Seriously,” the ghost continued, “go home and apologise. Dave will understand.”

 

“I know,” said Klaus with a sad smile. “But he shouldn’t have to. He deserves better.”

 

“Then  _ be  _ better,” urged Ben.

 

“You say that like-  _ holy fuck! _ ”

 

“Klaus,” greeted Five, eyeing him with suspicion. 

 

Klaus gave an unaffected grin, as if his brother hadn’t appeared in front of him and scared him shitless. “Why hello, brother dearest. What brings you to my humble abode?”

 

“Why do you have a bloody nose?” questioned Five.

 

Klaus raised a hand to his nose, blinked at the blood on his fingertips. “Huh. I forgot about that.”

 

Five rolled his eyes. Without warning, he reached over and clasped Klaus’ wrist, and pulled them through space.

  
  


When they reappeared, it was in front of an anxious looking Dave and Vanya. 

 

“Oh thank God,” muttered Vanya, her small frame deflating.

 

“Klaus,” said Dave, reaching out to pull Klaus into a tight embrace. Klaus hugged him back, guilt churning in his stomach. “What happened to your face? Are you hurt? Did you use?”

 

“I’m still clean,” said Klaus. He tried not to notice the way they all seemed to let out a breath, some of the tension dissipating. Klaus had been willing to hurt all of them, just for one more fix.

 

“And your nose?” asked Vanya.

 

“That was Ben, actually,” said Klaus. He smiled, but it didn’t fit quite right on his face.

 

“Oh,” said Vanya, voice tiny.

 

“I probably deserved it,” Klaus said, shrugging with forced nonchalance. “I was talking to one of my old dealers. He offered some ecstasy. I didn’t have any money on me, but he said I could have it in exchange for a blow job.” 

 

Five and Vanya looked away. It didn’t feel as satisfying as Klaus had hoped. He could feel Dave’s eyes on him, but didn’t want to see his expression, scared of what he might find. 

 

“Thanks, Ben,” said Five, looking around vaguely. Ben smiled slightly from where he was perched on the arm of the sofa. 

 

“You and Dave should probably talk about some things,” said Vanya diplomatically, “so Five and I will go.”

 

“Sure thing,” said Klaus, all false cheer.

 

She laid a hand on his arm as she passed. “You know where I am, if you need me.”

 

Klaus’ smile warped, and he ducked his head.

 

With the two of them gone, and Ben trailing after them, the tension in the room doubled. Klaus wiped his hands on his thighs. He wondered if they were actually dirty, or if it was in his head.

 

“Did you agree?” blurted Dave. It was so sudden that Klaus couldn’t help but turn to look at him.

 

“Agree?” he questioned.

 

“To- you know. For the pills,” said Dave, a pinched look around his eyes.

 

“I didn’t say anything before Ben threw a punch,” said Klaus.

 

Dave nodded, expression thoughtful. “Would you have?”

 

Klaus smiled tightly, bottom lip wobbling. “I don’t know,” he said, with rare honesty, “but I hope not.”

 

Dave took a slow breath and dropped down onto the sofa. He patted the space next to him, and Klaus obliged. “Why did you go?” asked Dave. He looked at Klaus, face painfully open. There was no anger, or judgement, just a need to understand. Klaus wished there was an answer he could give him, something to explain it.

 

“I just wanted to feel okay,” whimpered Klaus, voice breaking at the end.

 

Dave pulled him in, holding him tightly. Klaus let out a slow, trembling breath, and melted into him. “I wish I could fix this for you,” said Dave. “I can see how you struggle.”

 

Klaus swallowed, throat tight. He had been coping with the sleeplessness, the screaming, but this honest kindness might break him. He wondered what he had done to deserve someone as perfect as Dave. “I’m sorry. I keep fucking up.”

 

“But you keep trying. That’s what’s important,” said Dave. Klaus wasn’t sure that he believe that, but it sounded nice. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up. I’ll run you a bath, yeah?”

 

“Okay,” Klaus mumbled. 

 

The adrenaline from earlier was fading fast, leaving him weak and pliant. He allowed himself to be led to the bathroom and undressed by Dave’s gentle hands. He folded himself into the bath, let the hot water soothe his tense muscles. Dave leaned over to press a kiss to the crown of Klaus’ head. 

 

“I love you,” said Klaus, eyes fluttering shut.

 

Dave crouched next to him and ran his fingers through Klaus’ dark hair. “I love you too. It’s going to be okay. You’ll see.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you thought, or if you have any ideas you'd like to read in this series!


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